You want me to give up my right
“You want me to give up my right to myself, my independent nature, my control over myself, my right to decide what was best for me?” I stormed at Him, “Forget it! What have you ever done for me?”
I kept on yelling at Him. “You know how desperately unhappy I am – yet you don’t care at all! You won’t do a single thing about it. And I’m supposed to hand full control of my life over to you? Give me one reason why I should!”
I was furious with God! I was a good church-goer, I tithed, read my Bible. What more did He want? Nothing I ever did seemed to please Him. But, like a Pharisee, who could quote the Scriptures at the drop of a hat without obeying them, I didn’t believe or obey what I read. For almost a week I struggled with this idea of handing the complete control of my life over to the Lord. Years ago I had feared what He might want of me – and I still feared it! Being a “good” Christian had never brought me any happiness. Ask my kids – they sling off at me a lot about this. And being a “good” Christian in my marriage had brought me only misery.
One church I had belonged to taught me that I was “saved to serve”. The way I translated this message was that God had no personal interest in me; my only value to Him was in my possible usefulness to Him. Why would any one with a grain of sense want to hand full control of their life over to such a tyrant?
But Christ had made it clear to me that this was the price of His friendship. John 14:15, 21, 23-24 says:If you love me, you will obey what I command. … Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him. …. If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.
Tahitian Pearls
Tahitian pearls are also known as black pearls because they are cultivated in the black-tipped oyster. The truth, though, is that Tahitian pearls come in a variety of hues, from true black to gray, from blue to green, and from pink to brown. It’s difficult to match the colors of Tahitian pearls, so a Tahitian pearl necklace will cost more than its freshwater cousin.
pearl jewerlry that’s what they call what happened to me. I guess it’s better than disighn for pearl jewalery. But really there are no words to adequately sum up or label what we survivors live through. Sounds dramatic but the closest I can to come describe what happened to me, what I lived through is MURDER. Wikipedia defines Murder as “the unlawful killing of one human being by another. …generally distinguished from other forms of homicide by the elements of malice, aforethought, and the lack of justification.” I’m not trying to insult families whose loved ones have lost their lives at the hands of someone else. But I make the parallel because I too have lost my life in a way. My life as I knew it has changed to coin pearls wholesale forever. That man killed my spirit and may as well have killed me the night he decided to go to a bar, drug my drink and rape me.
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